im sorry i didnt speak up. im sorry i get drunk and make mistakes. im sorry i thought you were genuine. im sorry for that perfect night. im sorry for being emotional. im sorry you made me happy. im sorry i saw anything in you. im sorry i fell for you. im sorry she even hooked us up. im sorry i let my guard down. im sorry youre everything ive been looking for. but mostly im sorry im not good enough for you.
ima contestant in west georgia’s miss black and gold pageant & this prolly the swim suit ima get for it. so different. absolutely fell in love with it!
perfect is what im going to call you. i know noone is perfect but you’re def perfect for me. i cant even describe how perfect last night was. hard to believe it’ll prolly never happen again because of the stupid decisions that i made last smester. i hope we could move past that cause lately youve been the only one i think about. i got this feeling and it just feels right. the more i fight it the sicker i feel. i need it to go away and youre the only anedote. my emotions are strong and i know it hasnt been a long time, but i always put my heart first. what i feel is what i feel.
![[[on a much lighter note]]
#LAKERNATION OR KILL YOURSELF BITCH !!!!
naw, fr fr doe —> team kobe](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li6p8ngBPO1qg7taio1_400.jpg)
[[on a much lighter note]]
#LAKERNATION OR KILL YOURSELF BITCH !!!!
naw, fr fr doe —> team kobe
need to vent so if you give a damn. nosey. or bored. feel free to listen (read).
i feel like a failure. i have too much on my plate and ill be the first one to admit i cant handle dat shyt. i phi sigma pi shyt. women of diversity shyt. and now pageant shyt! not to mention i have a little (like a little sister and im her “mentor”) for psp. and school work on top of all of that. and in order not be in bad standing for my organization i must keep a 3.0 #iworkhard. even tho i have so much i have to do, a lot of days i dont do SHYT. i crawl in bed and stare at da wall. i have no motivation. no drive. no nothing. i am depressed. every morning when i wake up its a struggle for me just to push myself to get out of bed. some mornings i wake up and i have to cry just to let some sort of frustration out. ppl ask me why are you dressed up. i wonder where my money goes. i cud have all kinda ipods/fones/other expensive shyt but instead i spend most my money on clothes to help me feel better about myself. or even to get him to notice me. i have very high self worth but low self esteem at the same time… if that makes since. if not ponder it for a sec. i wlk around like everything is fine but deep down i feel like shyt. nothin is as fun to me any more. all i wanna do is. smoke weed, eat, sleep, and party! only things that help me focus on other things besides how depressed i am. when i quit smoking cigarrettes i gained wait(like most ppl) and now i jus feel soooo fat. i stand in the mirror everyday and look at my stomach and want to gag. i critic my body like no one else can. im supposed to be dieting for the pageant that im in, but i eat my emotions. i cant help myself. i just keep eatingg. i could prolly eat for 3 boys sometimes. food makes me feel good. and instead of a cig dats what i reach for. if not food i cut myself or hit my head against a wall. i need help. and im not afraid to admit it. im seein a counselor but her dumb as has canceled on me 3 times now. i dont think she understands that i need her. especially after dis spring break i had. all dis shyt wit my dad. ughhhh im not goin to even get into that bc i dont wanna think about it. but dat bs shows me how much she cares. i cant wait til the next one cuz ima tell her bout herself. i look forward to our sessions bc i can get shyt off my chest like im doing now. weird but its hard for me to tlk about these type of things to ppl i knw. id rather tlk to a stranger. but as far as typing or writing…. it just kinda.. flows out of me. maybe bc i dont have to see ppls reactions and facial expressions. the only person im comfortable discussing things with is my best friend but she goes to a diff school. she tryna be a doctor and shes on a “certain” social greek organization’s new line so she is reallyy busy. she doesnt have time for me like she use to. so thats why im here. spilling my life to the world. honestly i dont think anybody cares or pay attn to me enough to even read this. if i were u i wudnt have read this. almost like im invisible sometimes idk. maybe i shud stop thinking stuff like that but i cant help it. i suck at everything. and i fuk up. jus like last wknd a wk or two go at a party when i grabbed the guy i like’s dick. wtf who does that. now im pretty sure he thinks im a whore, which is not the case at all. im a virgin. i jus get friendly when im drunk but like most ppl i know he judged me and i cant blame him bc its my fault but watever. ill jus be alone forever. no big deal. im use to it. solo dolo bitch -_- . fr fr doe, i really try. i really really try to be happy but it just doesnt happen. i kick myslef bc there are soooo many ppl less fortunate than i am and i have no reason to be upset .. but. it is wat it is
And it reminds you of how miserable you are.
(via honeyb0ob0o)
aint been on here in a while. been really busy. got 5 test in 6 days next week. so im startin to prepare for those. goin fast in my classes cuz of those snow days a few weeks ago. and im jus now gettin a book do to money issues and book store fuk ups so im playin catch up by 2 and a half weeks in one class so yeaa. plus i been workin out A LOT lately. due to certain things i might want to accomplish i need to get back in swim suit shape and im MORE than determined to do it. plus phi sigma pi is bout to get started back up again wit rush on monday. BUSY BUSY BUSY. but i will promise to stop neglecting tumblr lik i have lol.
Fuckin’ Perfect lyrics
Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss ‘No way, it’s all good’, it didn’t slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I’m still around
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than f*ckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing
You’re f*ckin’ perfect to me!
You’re so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look how big, you’ll make it!
Filled with so much hatred…such a tired game
It’s enough! I’ve done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I’ve seen you do the same
Oh, pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than f*ckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing
You’re f*ckin’ perfect to me
The world stares while I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it’s a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
Why do I do that..?
Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than f*ckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me
You’re perfect, you’re perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing
You’re fuckin’ perfect to me…
